The Disarming Fiasco
by Lt. Basil
Summary: There was one rule at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry: NEVER get on Professor Simms' bad side. Unfortunately, Albus Severus Potter disliked playing by the rules almost as much as his brother did. Even more unfortunately, it was his best friend that paid the price. NO YAIO. Mild Rose/Scorpius (so mild you can hardly even see it, actually). One-shot.


**A/N: Hi guys I'm back. I've been stuck in a vat of writer's block for several weeks :( Yeah. It's been kind of annoying. But I am back in business! (Kind of… sort of… not really… I just got this one thing…) **

**I was originally going to post this as a second chapter to **_**Not What I Expected, **_**but then it started turning more into an Albus/Scorpius/Rose friendship fic than it did a Scorose fic. So I changed my mind. And here we are.**

**Review.**

"Today, we will be learning one of the most important spells a wizard can have in their arsenal," the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, Professor Simms, declared, waving his wand energetically around in the air for emphasis. "The Disarming Spell. A very basic spell in many ways, but also extremely vital when you are in a fight against a Dark Wizard. Harry Potter himself used this spell many times in his fight against You-Know-Who." Everyone in the class, Slytherin and Ravenclaw alike, turned back to look at Albus, who was leaning back in his seat almost sleepily with his arms tucked behind his head. Scorpius sat beside him, trying his hardest to make himself as small and unnoticeable as was humanly possible. That wasn't too hard, considering that he was naturally both short and scrawny, with unremarkable, messy-ish blonde hair, dark eyes, and a naturally meek disposition. If he wasn't specifically being targeted, it wasn't uncommon for him to be overlooked.

Albus masterfully ignored the attention, as usual; he was so used to being stared at that sometimes, Scorpius wondered if he was even really aware when other people were looking at him at all. Instead, he grinned cheekily at the professor, yawned, and stretched like a cat, blinking to drowsiness out of his eyes. Professor Simms was not amused. He crossed his arms over his chest and glared at the boy something fierce. "Mister Potter, perhaps, since you seem to think that you already know the spell well enough not to need to pay attention in class, you can provide us with a demonstration on how it's done?"

Al grinned. "Sure. Why not?" Scorpius frowned as his friend climbed to his feet. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw his friend's cousin Rose groan and bang her head on her desk in frustration. Noticing the movement, the teacher turned to her sharply and eyed her irritably.

"Would you like to assist him, Miss Weasley?" Rose paled, and Scorpius couldn't help but have a nasty flashback of the last time that the two had been asked to demonstrate something to the class. They'd been learning Stunning Spells, and Albus, having no idea what he was doing, had accidentally caught the sleeves of her robe on fire instead of stunning the girl. It had taken nearly five minutes to beat them out, and she'd had to spend the rest of the day in the hospital wing while Madam Pomfrey treated the nasty burns she'd gotten on her arms. She'd looked so miserable when he went in to visit her, Scorpius had let her have a few of the chocolate frogs that he'd been hoarding.

Feeling a little sick, the boy jumped to his feet instantly and remarked, "No, professor. I can." Whispers sprouted up among the assembled students, many of them having sick grins spread across their faces at the thought of him going up in flames. He didn't care, though; his eyes were focused on Rose, who gave him a grateful look and then glanced down at her lap, blushing. Scorpius also felt his face heating up a little at the gratitude that had been showing on her face, but he suppressed it. Turning back to Simms, he remarked, "I'll help him out, alright?"

Simms raised his eyebrows, unaccustomed to a student actively volunteering for what he referred to as "just punishment" – especially from a student like Scorpius, who pretty much never broke any rules or got into any sort of trouble. Nevertheless, he nodded and gestured for the boy to come up to the front of the classroom and stand in front of Al. Scorpius did so without complaint, glancing at his best friend nervously. _Don't light me on fire, okay? _He mouthed, his gray eyes huge and pleading. Al nodded abruptly, looking disconcertingly at ease with the whole situation. Cringing a bit, Scorpius closed his eyes tight and clenched his hands into fists.

"You know the Disarming Spell by heart, I presume?" he heard Simms question Albus. "What with your father being the _famous _Harry Potter, and all?"

"_Expelliarmus, _right?" he questioned cheerfully, and Simms muttered a confirmation, grumbling something that sounded like, _'Confound that Potter, teaching his children magic before they're even in school…'_

"Well, get to it, boy!" Simms snarled. Scorpius cracked one eye open to look at his best friend. Albus had his wand extended out in front of him, a somewhat hesitant smile pasted onto his pale face. Scorpius saw him glance over at Rose, obviously recalling that last fiasco as well. Shrugging, he pointed his wand at Scorpius', waved it with an exaggerated flourish, and shouted out the spell.

"_Expelliarmus!" _

Several things happened at once. First, instead of knocking Scorp's wand out of his hand, Al's was wrenched from his grip and sent flying in the blonde's direction. Second, it hit the boy hard in the forehead, causing him to stumble back about a meter and clutch his now aching temple. Then a spout of green sparks flew from the tip… and Scorpius' head started to swell up like a balloon.

Reactions were mixed – about a third of the class let out screams of fright and covered their faces with their hands, while the remaining two-thirds howled with laughter at the sight of the Malfoy boy's predicament. Rose shrieked and jumped out of her chair, rushing up to her friend's side and trying to figure out how to reverse the swelling. Albus dropped down next to her, apologies spewing from his mouth. Simms rolled his eyes at the general hubbub, hauled Scorpius to his feet by one arm and dragged him off to the hospital wing, sternly warning the others to stay in their seats until he got back.

After they had gone, one of the Ravenclaw boys whispered excitedly, "Maybe if we get lucky, Malfoy'll die and Simms'll get sacked in the same day!" Fuming, Rose and Al both turned on the boy and pointed their wands at him. Paling, he threw up his hands and squeaked out, "It was a joke, mates, it was a JOKE!"

"Don't ever _joke _about that again," Rose muttered. Glaring at Albus, she added, "And for the record, I blame you for this!" Al looked down at his feet in shame.

XXX

About two hours later, Scorpius woke up in the hospital wing experiencing a sensation quite similar to that of his face being on fire. For a moment, he thought that it was – but upon probing his cheeks in panic, he realized that the real reason for the pain was his face was thirty or so blisters that had formed shortly after his head had been deflated. Wincing, he glanced around, raising himself unsteadily onto his arms and making a face. The air stunk of medicinal potions mixed with muggle sanitizers (which Madam Pomfrey insisted they use despite unending protests from the Magical Board of Injuries and Illnesses). The resulting smell was enough to make even the most stalwart of wizards lose their lunch – and Scorpius Malfoy was far from the most stalwart of wizards. Luckily, he hadn't eaten anything for a while, or he might have vomited all over his bed.

Madam Pomfrey hustled in, her normally neat bun falling out in a frizzy explosion of gray, and a harried expression on her face. "For heaven's sakes, boy, lie down!" she exclaimed, pushing Scorpius' shoulders back so that his head was back on the pillow. "Honestly, do you want to faint from pain?" The boy tried to open his mouth, about to insist that he was _fine, _it didn't hurt any worse while sitting up then while sitting down, that he couldn't stand to lie still for too long, but she was already fussing over him, rubbing some sort of pungent salve all over his face and muttering something murderous under her breath about foolish students, thinking that they could do everything. Sighing, he grudgingly complied, grumbling the entire time he was treated. After what felt like an eternally, she was finally, _finally _done treating him. Before she had moved away, he managed to ask the question that had really been nagging his mind.

"Was anybody else hurt?"

Madam Pomfrey shook her head vigorously. "No, just you. We're lucky that boy didn't accidentally hex the whole school, considering his record; honestly, what was Potter _thinking…?!"_

"That's just Al for you," Scorpius said cheerfully, grinning fondly. The nurse scowled and again began muttering under her breath, this time cursing _those darn Potters, always giving her more trouble than she deserved… _Scorpius found himself struggling not to laugh. "When will I get out of here?" he asked instead – anything to keep himself from laughing out loud.

Madam Pomfrey sniffed. "Not until tomorrow morning, if you must know. It'll take _hours _before your face is back to normal again, and even longer until it stops hurting. And don't you ask about visitors!" she added sharply upon seeing him open his mouth again. "I wouldn't let Potter in here if he were bleeding out of his ears after what he just did, thank you very much! I don't fancy permitting walking catastrophes in _my _hospital. No thank you! And don't give me that look!" For Scorpius was scowling very hard at her. "It's his fault for you even being in here in the first place!"

_If it's anybody's fault, it's Simms', _he thought sourly. But he didn't say that out loud.

The next few hours were pure torture for the poor boy. The salve only seemed to make his face burn all the more, and its smell sent any thought of food fleeing from his mind as nausea took over. Water helped to calm his churning stomach a little bit, but not enough to keep him from nearly puking from the mix of the smell and the pain on multiple occasions. To top it all off, a nasty, throbbing ache had developed in his temple, and it only got worse as the hours wore on. At one point, he could hear Rose and Albus trying to get inside to visit him, but Madam Pomfrey practically _screamed _at them to clear out and get back to class, very bluntly declaring that she didn't trust Albus anywhere _near _her patients. This resulted in a rather nasty row at the end of which Albus called her several very nasty names and Rose snapped at her – very harshly, one might add – before storming off in a rage.

"You shouldn't have driven them off," Scorpius said sadly when she came in to check on him a few minutes later. "They're my best mates – they should be allowed to come visit me if they want to!"

"Oh, no. Albus Potter is _not _coming in here, and if Rose insists on coming with him, then neither is she!"

Scorpius scowled and turned away, wishing he were back in the Slytherin common room.

XXX

He was so relieved the next morning when Madam Pomfrey declared him free to go and released him from her custody (that statement sounded very much like the release of a long-time prison inmate – but indeed, that was very nearly what that night in the hospital wing had felt like). He made a beeline for the Slytherin common room (as it was still a little early for breakfast), slipping through the entrance and crawling up to his dormitory, where he promptly shook Albus awake. His friend was very glad to see him up and about again, and showed it by first attacking him with an overzealous hug and then apologizing to his now wheezing friend for sending him to the hospital wing. Scorpius assured him that it wasn't a problem, as he had been sent there numerous times already by the school bullies for far more serious reasons. That didn't make his friend feel any better.

After playing a couple of games of exploding snap as a sort of _welcome back to the regular world _celebration for Scorpius, the two boys set off downstairs to look for Rose. They found her in the library, and, upon seeing her friend up and about without showing any signs of having been on the receiving end of a nasty accidental hex the other day, she also attack-hugged him and then bombarded him with questions about the state of his health, if he was doing alright, how was his head, blah blah blah. After assuring her several times that he was fine and that _no, _he was not going to have to go back to the infirmary for a secondary check-up later, they settled back into their normal morning routine of Rose earnestly digging her nose into several library books while he and Albus quietly doodled on bits of scratch parchment waiting for her to finish. One could almost believe that nothing had happened at all.

At long last, Scorpius finally turned to Al and broke the reigning silence. "Can I make a request?"

Looking surprised, Al replied, "Uh… sure."

Smirking, Scorpius remarked, "Don't EVER fall asleep in class again."


End file.
